I get sick when I hear the phrase “Take care of yourself so that you can better help others!”
It is such utter bunk and BS that my stomach turns. Excuse me while I down the ipecac.
It’s not about helping or taking care of others.
With the exception of your children, to whom you have an obligation based on their dependent and immature status, you are not obliged to help or take care of anyone. And, truth be told, you probably can’t.
Repeat: You are not obliged to help or take care of anyone. And even if you try, THEY have to do the work, meaning YOU – qua you – can’t effect any positive changes in THEIR lives!
Which is why so-called “self-help gurus” frighten me.
You know, the ones who say “Give up one episode of LOST so that you can respond to more people on Twitter!” or “Make yourself absolutely indispensable to people by reading this book and following these steps!” or “If you buy this video and follow this guru, magical manna juju will flow from heaven!” or “It’s your own damned fault if you feel resistance to completing this program, because you don’t love yourself enough to make wads of cash!”
Those guys.
Because they’re not in the business of helping you.
No, honestly. No matter what they say, they’re not in the business of helping you.
No matter how much value you’ve gotten from their writing or their speaking.
No matter how much they might genuinely believe they can or want to help you.
No matter if their heart – and yours – is in the right place.
They’re not in the business of helping you.
YOU have to do the work.
Self-help gurus DO have their uses. They can point out things in ways you might not have consciously considered. They can introduce you to resources you didn’t know existed. They can lead proverbial horses to water.
But YOU – and only you – turn that advice or those resources or leads into something useful.
It really is SELF help. Only you can help yourself.
That value you got from these people? That was YOU!
No one as insightful about your own life as you are. Nobody knows what you need better than you do. Fundamentally, nobody can give you any insight about your life that you do not already possess.
If you’ve gotten any value from consulting or self-help books/sites/tv shows in the past, it was not due to the sheer heaven-sent brilliance of the product’s hawker. It was because you were ready, willing, and able to capitalize on what you read, saw, or heard.
It was YOUR brilliance that made that stuff come through for you.
So please – for the love of all that is holy – realize your own power.
Stop giving your power up to gurus and buying a facsimile version back at extortionate prices. Stop measuring yourself by their standards and inevitably finding yourself wanting. Stop looking to people on the internet or on tv to tell you who you are and what to be, think, have, or do.
Pay them, if you wish, to point the way. Pay them to cast an objective eye over your thoughts, plans, or goals. Pay them – if you want to become a self-help guru – to tell you how they rake in the dough.
If they take the credit for YOUR hard work, they’re charlatans. If they give the credit to whom it belongs – to you – they might well be legit.
You’re the genius at the helm, and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.
Especially if they’re making money from your disempowerment.
That is all.
(side note: This may seem like special pleading, but it’s not. In this post I’m talking about people who request money for “soft” services like coaching or counseling or info products promising a “productivity” or self-esteem or other psychological boost – like the stuff you’d find in the “self-help” section at a bookstore. I’m not talking about people who do specific, concrete services or who sell consulting sessions or info products which teach you a specific, concrete skill. Like, for example, us.)
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