I get sick when I hear the phrase “Take care of yourself so that you can better help others!”
It is such utter bunk and BS that my stomach turns. Excuse me while I down the ipecac.
It’s not about helping or taking care of others.
With the exception of your children, to whom you have an obligation based on their dependent and immature status, you are not obliged to help or take care of anyone. And, truth be told, you probably can’t.
Repeat: You are not obliged to help or take care of anyone. And even if you try, THEY have to do the work, meaning YOU – qua you – can’t effect any positive changes in THEIR lives!
Which is why so-called “self-help gurus” frighten me.
You know, the ones who say “Give up one episode of LOST so that you can respond to more people on Twitter!” or “Make yourself absolutely indispensable to people by reading this book and following these steps!” or “If you buy this video and follow this guru, magical manna juju will flow from heaven!” or “It’s your own damned fault if you feel resistance to completing this program, because you don’t love yourself enough to make wads of cash!”
Those guys.
Because they’re not in the business of helping you.
No, honestly. No matter what they say, they’re not in the business of helping you.
No matter how much value you’ve gotten from their writing or their speaking.
No matter how much they might genuinely believe they can or want to help you.
No matter if their heart – and yours – is in the right place.
They’re not in the business of helping you.
YOU have to do the work.
Self-help gurus DO have their uses. They can point out things in ways you might not have consciously considered. They can introduce you to resources you didn’t know existed. They can lead proverbial horses to water.
But YOU – and only you – turn that advice or those resources or leads into something useful.
It really is SELF help. Only you can help yourself.
That value you got from these people? That was YOU!
No one as insightful about your own life as you are. Nobody knows what you need better than you do. Fundamentally, nobody can give you any insight about your life that you do not already possess.
If you’ve gotten any value from consulting or self-help books/sites/tv shows in the past, it was not due to the sheer heaven-sent brilliance of the product’s hawker. It was because you were ready, willing, and able to capitalize on what you read, saw, or heard.
It was YOUR brilliance that made that stuff come through for you.
So please – for the love of all that is holy – realize your own power.
Stop giving your power up to gurus and buying a facsimile version back at extortionate prices. Stop measuring yourself by their standards and inevitably finding yourself wanting. Stop looking to people on the internet or on tv to tell you who you are and what to be, think, have, or do.
Pay them, if you wish, to point the way. Pay them to cast an objective eye over your thoughts, plans, or goals. Pay them – if you want to become a self-help guru – to tell you how they rake in the dough.
If they take the credit for YOUR hard work, they’re charlatans. If they give the credit to whom it belongs – to you – they might well be legit.
You’re the genius at the helm, and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.
Especially if they’re making money from your disempowerment.
That is all.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I think that’s an interesting point of view.
I find that a coaching relationship can be really useful because so few of us have a place where we can be the “center of attention” for say 1 hour… where someone will listen, and just allow you to get through your own stuff. I mean you pay them so that you don’t ruin your relationship with your friends or partner, who might get sick of hearing you talking about a particular “stuck” topic. 
That being said… it totally leads into your point of view! It’s really YOU who is doing the work, and you who is helping yourself. You just happen to have gone to someone to have a safe space to discover your own magic juju.
And yes some of those hypey-magic bullet type things where you’ll be making money overnight… not so cool.
I love that you bring this up, because nothing you buy is ever going to “Save” you. You’re the only one who can do that!
Nathalie Lussier´s last blog ..Raw Food Blender: Low End Blender Recommendations
Yup, I agree. I’ve been perusing all sorts of these ‘guru’ type sites. Sure, some speak in a voice that you can respond to and that helps YOU make the leap you need to make. But is’ all in what we do with the info we’re given. I resist buying stuff. I get just as much out of just reading other people’s words on something I’m struggling with. Then again, I make even fast progress if I tell everyone I’m looking up to, to eff off. lol
It’s a pyramid scheme, like twitter. Gathering followers, tweeting each others stuff, or retweeting, and I get that as a marketing device, but it’s still a pyramid scheme. Just my two cents.
Good blog.
I think I’m with you on this one. Personally, for me, the reason I’d hire a coach is for the motivational aspect. You get that accountability factor and maybe a cheerleader and that really does help some people. Plus, some people really need that reassurance or an objective eye to look over everything, like you say.
On the other hand, it’s way too easy to buy products and more products and listen to people all day long and not actually move off your butt. You think you’re doing something productive, but really are just using it as a way to delay actually doing something and putting yourself out there.
All that said, sometimes the best way to move forward is just do it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. When it doesn’t, you try something else and then you keep trying until it works for you.
Naomi Niles´s last blog ..Introducing Intuitive Designs Version 7
Interesting post, Charlotte. Thanks
While I don’t personally think there is anything wrong with coaching or offering info products online, I *do* think it shows a lack of integrity and honesty for the people producing these services to promise happiness, wealth etc.
However, they are preying on those who want to be rescued in an hour – those want to be happier/have higher self-esteem/have more money but don’t want to look at why they don’t have these things already. In my opinion, consumers of these products and services make a choice: the choice not to know.
Anyone who has been through therapy or other forms of self-work – and done it properly – knows that it takes shit loads of painful, difficult work that an E-Book isn’t going to do for you. On the other hand, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with using products and services along to way to further your development – as long as you don’t rely on them to change things only you yourself can change.
Hannah´s last blog ..The Beginning: Part 1 (aka metaphors!)