Yesterday I received what was possibly the worst email pitch I’ve ever gotten. It looked like this:
from SEO Services
sender-time: Sent at 12:40 AM
to: info@inspir-it.com
date: Mon, Nov 2, 2009 at 12:40 AM
subject: Regarding Link RequestDear Webmaster,
I have visited your site http://www.inspir-it.com and found it quite impressive.
I am in the process of building up a business wrapped about my website and I am looking for some inbound linking to grow my page-rank. If you could link to my site I would be much appreciative. You probably receive quick a few link requests a month so I would really appreciate it if you could help me out by adding my site with this information.
Link Details:
Title: SEO Services
URL: www.SEOasshole’sDomain.comKind Regards,
John B.www.SEOasshole’sDomainAgain.com
Let’s deconstruct this, shall we?
Look at the sender name. Not “John B.” Not “John B from [business name].” No, my friends – “SEO Services.” That really makes you want to open the email, doesn’t it.
Look at the sender time. 12:40am. Unless John B is hustling more than Gary Vaynerchuk (which I doubt), this email came from an email blast system.
Look at the sent to address. This is an email that I have listed out in plain text (with a mailto: link) on my website in several places. This means that John got my name when his email spider crawled my website and added me to some sort of spam database.
Now look at the subject.
Regarding Link Request.
Now… I could just imagine what John was thinking when he wrote this subject line.
“Hm… well, I’ve already muffed it because my ‘from’ name just yells I’M A SPAMMY MCSPAMMERSON. So… I’ve gotta make it sound like they contacted me. How do I do that? Wait… EUREKA!”
So “Regarding Link Request” the subject became.
Dear Webmaster,
inspirIT consists of 3 people: me (Charlotte), and my friends Greg and James. (The picture on that page is of me and Greg. We’ll take a picture of James when we see him at Christmas.)
Greg and James don’t talk much, but my name is plastered all over this site in an embarrasingly large number of places. If John was a real person (and not an email spider, as we’ve already seen), he would have led off the email with “Dear Charlotte” or “Dear inspirIT Guys” or something that actually shows that he knows who we are.
And… “Webmaster.” Like…. Webmaster?! Wow.
No value. Whatsoever.
John asks for stuff. He asks for an inbound link. He asks for me to give him an inbound link over and above all the other requests I receive. And he offers me…?
Sweet f#$& all.
I’m supposed to damage my credibility by linking to some SEO guy’s crappy website… in return for nothing. It’s not even a win-lose situation. It’s a lose-lose situation. Why? Because if I accept pitches like John’s, then y’all stop trusting me. And then my site traffic (quite correctly) goes down. Which means that fewer people click on John’s link.
Which is why this kind of black hat SEO nonsense is just that – nonsense. It’s a short-term gain (if that) for a lot of long-term pain. But John doesn’t care about me or my “impressive” site because by the time my blog will have finished sinking, he’ll sucker another “webmaster” into linking to him.
John B is an SEO asshole.
What’s more – the business he’s pitching to me is an SEO SERVICE! Which means he’s asking me to recommend you use these asshole tactics to try to optimize your website.
I’d call him out by linking to his crappy website – but calling SEO assholes out by linking to their websites is (I read this analogy last night somewhere – apologies to the tweeter whose username I can’t recall) like punishing a dog by grilling him up a t-bone steak. [update: It was Merlin Mann, of course. Thanks, Jason!]
How NOT to be like John:
- Get yourself a copy of Thesis or Headway. Both themes have great SEO control. If you’re bootstrapping or if you’re just cheap in general, the WP plugin “All-in-One SEO Pack” will do the trick.
- Write strong content. Your website should be readable by humans first, machines second. If your content is strong and provides value, people are naturally going to link to your stuff. Which means that finally someone else besides your mom and girlfriend are going to read your blog. Links also = increasing search rankings.
- If you’re going to hire someone to SEO for you (whether that be an SEO company, a VA, or someone else), make sure you understand what those services entail. If the services entail redoing your old blog post headlines to ensure they’re searchable and have something to do with the post content, fine. If the services entail linkspamming sites or emailing random “webmasters” (who the HELL uses that phrase anymore?!), then run away. (And there’s no “plausible deniability” here. The person who hires douches to work for him is, himself, a douche.)
- When you pitch someone, offer them value for value. There’s nothing John could have offered me that would have gotten me to link to him. I don’t do black hat SEO and I detest those who do. But if you’re pitching a legitimate site, offer them some reason to help you out. This could be something you do for them, something you’ll give them, good karma… whatever. Just offer some sort of value that the person you’re pitching to will reasonably want.
- Call out your affiliate links and anything else which – if you try to hide it – makes you look douchey. (The Thesis and Headway links? Totally affiliate links.)
The web is all about value.
At least, any kind of web that you would want to be involved with is about value.
It’s not about getting links to you.
It’s not about being popular.
It’s not even primarily about selling stuff.
Providing value and building community is the stuff that gets you linked to and popular and well off. You can’t do it the opposite way.
Black hat SEO is always and forever about putting the cart before the horse. Because there is no horse for them. No motive power, no community, no passion, and no love.
Don’t be a John.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Gah I get these types of emails a lot too. I think I’ve even been added to a list where they constantly have “reps” sending me email reminders. But that’s not all.. they also have a fake web site where you can unsubscribe. Yikes!
Nathalie Lussier´s last blog ..What is The Master Cleanse?
Great post. The tweeter who made the SEO joke last night is Merlin.
I love it when I get these for highly underdeveloped domains I own, like starts of blogs that haven’t gone anywhere yet. Like: Really? You were impressed by the WordPress template post? Wow. You know web, sir.
The sad thing about this type of lowlife behavior is that just like Viagra offers, it only has to work .001% of the time for them to get enough results to keep doing it. I’ve often fantasized about unleashing a tsunami of DDOS on the lowlife spammer assholes of the world, but they are like cockroaches – they will just keep showing up. It’s up to the rest of us to keep fighting the good fight by continuing to educate the less knowledgeable so that they can learn to ignore this sort of trash as we do, and hopefully eventually starve them out.
Mike Stankavich´s last blog ..Home Networking Versus Voluntary Simplicity
The thing I love about this technique is not just how little value it offers, is how much value it leaves on the table. I mean, if you’re doing it right, he shouldn’t want a link– he should want a relationship of collaboration and mutual success. Like, where you share lists and promote each other and offer one another’s customers true value in context?
aaaaaaaaaaaaa
Also, by “love” I mean “not love.” My therapist says I should work on this.
I don’t have a therapist.
William @ DIY Video Marketing´s last blog ..YouTube Gets One Quindozillion Views a Second
I love this… “Your website should be readable by humans first, machines second.”
So simple, yet so commonly forgotten…
Yup, that’s about the size of it…
John: the place where you go poopy
Victoria´s last blog ..One Last Thing
@ Nathalie – Eww! Those people are the definition of “SEO Asshat”
@ Jason – Thanks! I’ve put the link inline.
@ Mike – Totally. I’d love for these guys to finally get a taste of their own medicine. Like bacteria, however, they were on the net before we were – and they’ll probably be here after. Which means we’re in the penicillin business.
@ William – Yeah. The sad thing is that John must know how little he has to offer, or else he would want a collaboration, as you say. Which begs the question of why John sees this and does it anyway.